opinion

Coping with Loss

It's been three weeks now since the worst day of my life; a day that was also the worst day of my lovely wife's life. It was the day that God called home the Angel he had leant us — a loss that proved nearly unbearable for us.

Not just "a dog," Jack is an entity that was "our child" — and my very best friend — a friend that I have risked my own life to save in the past; but was powerless to help now.

I remember the vet's steely gaze as he listened to Jack's heart. I told him that I had just been to the cardiologist for a stress test and it came back ok. He looked into my eyes and said, "Jack isn't as lucky."

It seems his heart wasn't pausing between beats.

We had him on medication to reduce the size of his swollen heart (which at twice the size of a normal dog's heart, was human-sized), but the meds were no longer effective.

Jack enjoyed excellent health care. He had insurance (even prescription coverage) and had regular vet visits and a very comfortable life; but in the end, it all just wasn't enough — and as Dawn held Jack in her arms, stroking him gently, the doctor helped ease him out of his pain and anxiety — Jack drifted off peacefully, enjoying a much better death than might have occurred otherwise.

He was nearly 14 years old — a long life for a dog — and it was a good life, too.

Many of my readers have met Jack, who had visited our offices in Hollywood and had accompanied Dawn and I to several conferences and industry events over the years, where attendees would catch a late-night visit with us going out on our evening walks.

A well-traveled pooch, he had visited most of the states, swam in two oceans and stayed in some of the nation's finest hotels. I used to call Dominos for him, because one of his favorite things was to maul pizza delivery boys in an attempt to get some sausage.

He loved beer, buds and an occasional shot of tequila. He would ride on my Harley, sitting between Dawn and I, his head on my shoulder, panting as the road unfolded ahead, and was a Mopar fan, coming with me on blasts in my Dart. I even taught him to drive (on California's I-5!), where he would sit on my lap and use his paws to steer (I would work the pedals for him, of course).

Jack was also a fixture on my mining trips; and while he bored easily of rummaging through creek beds, he stayed alert, warning me of approaching mountain lions, bears and meth-crazed hillbillies. At home, he slept under my desk while I wrote articles and would patiently listen as I read them aloud — hoping I would finish soon so that we could go for our daily walk at the lake.

We were each other's guardians, but on the day that "Dr. Mengele" came at him with the needle, I had to stand down — and the guilt, pain and uncertainty are still with me... Grief can be crippling and depression a serious emotional detriment to be fought against aggressively before it becomes all-consuming, so be warned.

I dug a hole in the hard clay behind Dawn's orchard where Jack liked to play, burying him next to some of her previous pals. The Hawaiian Lei that hung on her office door and which he kissed daily (!) now drapes his rock-covered grave, along with his favorite toy (a shark) and some gold-bearing quartz that I topped the mound with.

He is dearly missed and we have visited his grave several times since.

For her part, Dawn now has a new tattoo, commemorating our friend; and she helped us both greatly by finding an amazing online resource, "The Pet Loss Support Page," which offers a number of incredibly helpful, healing articles and discussions on the topic. Check it out if and when you are in the same situation: www.pet-loss.net.

While our personal loss is of a loved one, everybody faces loss of one kind or another — whether it is a pet, family member, friend or lover — or even of a job or of a business. With the economy still reeling and the future profitability of digital media in question, the chances are that some of my readers will face (or have faced) a substantial loss this year — or will in the near future. That's just how life is: it can't be avoided nor changed. But nature abhors a vacuum, so when one door closes, another opens. The important part is to walk through that door — and the first step involves being able to cope with loss.

Copyright © 2025 Adnet Media. All Rights Reserved. XBIZ is a trademark of Adnet Media.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited.

More Articles

opinion

How to Stay Legally Protected When Policies Get Outdated

The adult industry has long operated in a complex legal environment subject to rapid change. Now, a confluence of age verification laws, lawsuits, credit card processing and data privacy rules has created an urgent need for all industry participants — from major platforms to independent creators — to review and potentially overhaul their legal and operational policies.

Corey D. Silverstein ·
opinion

The Basics of Total Cost of Ownership in Retail

Almost every retailer has experienced that “oh no” moment. It’s when support tickets pile up, staff can’t get answers fast enough, store openings get delayed because Wi-Fi isn’t ready, or the POS proves to be outdated. Suddenly you’re too busy fixing problems to focus on driving sales.

Sean Quinn ·
opinion

How to Market a Product You Can't Name or Show Online

You’re trying to sell legal, helpful products to consenting adults — yet the internet treats those products like a problem. The viral success every brand dreams of can seem maddeningly elusive when search engines block or restrict common keywords, social feeds shadow-ban PG posts, review bots misread images and policies shift overnight with no notice.

Hail Groo ·
opinion

From Compliance Chaos to Crypto Clarity: Making the Case for Digital Payments in Adult

These are uncertain times for adult merchants. With compliance tightening and age verification mandates rising, the barrier to entry keeps getting higher.

Cathy Beardsley ·
opinion

How Managing Inventory With AI Helps Retailers Stock Smarter

If you’ve ever stood in a stockroom looking at a wall of unsold merchandise, then you know this basic truth: Your inventory is an asset — until it starts gathering dust. But how do we predict what customers want? That’s the eternal retail dilemma.

Zondre Watson ·
opinion

A Retail Guide for Boosting Sales in the Often-Overlooked Nipple Play Category

When it comes to sex toys, one area of the body that often gets overlooked by both consumers and salespeople is the nipples. Even though human nipples are packed with nerve endings and are sensitive and responsive across genders, they frequently get ignored as a focus for pleasure products — usually simply because nipple toys are small and come in tiny packaging.

Sara Gaffoor ·
profile

FSC's Valentine Leads Charge for Sex Worker Rights and Financial Access

Before ever stepping into a courtroom, Valentine already understood the power of presence. After all, they’ve shimmied on stages as a burlesque performer, consulted behind the scenes for creative businesses and moved through the adult industry not just as an advocate, but as a participant.

Jackie Backman ·
profile

Peppermint on Finding Beauty Beyond Breast Cancer

I never thought it would happen to me. After all, I had done all the “right things” to stay healthy, so in the summer of 2020 when I felt a lump in my left breast, I was convinced it was nothing more than a cyst. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. Yet a quiet voice inside still whispered, “But what if…?”

Peppermint ·
opinion

What Sexual Wellness Brands Can Learn From Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is an undeniable cultural force, but her superpower isn’t just music. From surprise album drops on podcasts to billion-dollar tours, the Swiftie empire has turned into a global movement in large part thanks to effective marketing.

Naima Karp ·
Show More